I keep it in a Hidden Place...

today, i don't know.
i have so much that's just kind of packed in there and swirly, like a tempest or a dust-devil, or a red-lollipop with white swirls.
but anyway, right now, today, and actually this whole past month or some, i've been thinking a lot about the dynamics of relationships and how things work and how they don't and the nature of love and humans.
i haven't come up with anything conclusive, and i haven't decided on anything yet, and i don't know exactly where my compass is taking me (and i haven't seen the Captain in such a long time), but what i do know is that i get confused.
i don't understand why people do the things they do, without meaning to or without really even having any control or knowing. i think i'm muddling things.
for example:
if you're in love, it happens and it's cool and you love it too.
and it's nice and warm-like. like safety i guess. or something like that.
and then all these other things come in and you just get blindsided a billion times.
you can be in love with someone, and it'll last, but that has nothing really to do with Desire anymore, now does it? i mean at first, yeah, but later, after a while? no, probably not. i think. but i don't know. see? that's what i mean. i'm muddling.
so you can love and be in love, but where did she go (Desire)? she kind of leads you to other people and faces and bodies and beds (sometimes in your head, sometimes not) and she just kind of abandons you there. and then you don't know what to do because all you know is that you're in love, and that hasn't changed, but where is it, the sparkling desire? i mean, it's not like it went away, it's not that you don't have the sparkle for the one anymore, but like, the sparkle spreads? does it? or it's actually a different glitter, from another bottle? i don't know.
i just know that all i see is an example of a life of a love of an illusion of a spectacular breath, and it startles and confuses me. and i'm left here, without my captain sometimes.

anyway, that's today.
tomorrow, i might be better, i might be on to something.