Here, In My Head..

so, this is risky.
but i'll do it anyhow.
i have these people in my head, kind of.
well, not really.
yes & no.
see, i write. a lot. all the time. everywhere.
and,
well, each of my experiences has taught me something, and changed me, every time.
and so the person that i used to be or the wisdom that i gained kind of metamorphosed into people, and they sort of live in my head, but not really. they're kind of there, and kind of outside, on their own, tending to things, like their gardens, or skeps, or boats, or just doing whatever it is they do.
anyway, i know this all sounds crazy, and you aren't meant to understand it all, but i just thought that i'd kind of let you know who they are, just in case i mention them in my writing, which i often do, because i talk to them a lot.
anyway, here they are:

Meridian: he's 19. he'll always be 19. he doesn't believe that love can ever be good, that it can ever last. he know's he'll always be hurt in the end. his hair is blue. he knows how to cry. he will never age. the scars on his arms tell "where the razor's been".

Captain Parcel: he's a grizzled old Sea captain who's always on the seas, co-existing with his salty mistress, never taming it, never trying to, but he knows how to navigate it and learn from it, and deal with it. he knows how to sail, and how to fish, and how to swim. he knows all there is to know about the sea and the oceans and all the bodys of water in this world and any other. and best of all, he'll teach you how to sail, if only you ask.

Jonas, the Beekeeper: Jonas is beautiful, he is in the Autumn of his life, and he is wise. Winter will not touch him. He speaks with the bees, and he knows their secrets. He teaches the Way of the Hive, and he is kind. but he is honest, and because of this, he can be intimidating. His bees will not sting you when you visit, but only if you have stripped yourself of your lies and masks. The bees can see beyond that, and Jonas can as well. They have no patience for deception of any kind. The Hive's justice is swift and sweet.

Phyllis: she is cold. she is angry. she will not let you touch her, don't even ask. she is afraid to sleep alone at night. she knows it happens everyday, she knows that life is cruel sometimes. she keeps a gun under her pillow and in her purse. she is afraid. she is cold. she is alone. her hair is grey.

so those are some of them.
i'll tell you about the rest later. i'm tired now.

This one time....we had Choke-Cherry Wine

on my way to work this morning, i put this mixed cd into my player, and this song ("This San Juan" from the Mudhens) was on there that i hadn't heard in a really long time and it reminded me of college and all the crazy things that went on while i was just a student, havin' fun and livin' it up. it reminded me of one party in particular.........
my cousin James and I used to live together, way back when, and we had this really nice apartment that like, everyone was always at, every day. no joke. every day. we used to throw parties there all the time and most of the time they would get out of hand, and mostly because we hung out with a bunch of punks and gutter-mouths. but we loved them and wouldn't have had it any other way. so anywho, one night during one of our infamous parties (see, after awhile everyone just kind of knew that our place was the place to go for parties, so we had all kinds of people there, even strippers [more about strippers later]), we had about 90 people over, which was quite a bit seeing as how it was only a two-bedroom apartment, and there was so much alcohol that no one could have complained, and back then we were serious drinkers. i mean serious. we had 3 kegs, bottles and bottles of liqour, and this home-made wine that our friend Eric had made, that he called "choke-cherry wine"..........anyway, the party ended up getting way out of hand and three cop cars showed up and tons of people fled, like they always do when the pigs roll up. so once we hear the shout-out that the cops were there, me, my friends Lisa, Eric, and Chris, run to my room, which was at the back of the apartment, and we go out the balcony (luckily we were on the ground floor) and head over to our neighbors apartment to hide out till the cops leave. now our next-door neigbor happened to be this really hot chick that everyone called Stripper-Meaghan because she always took off her clothes when she got drunk in Juarez. so we ended up partying at her house for a couple hours before heading back to our own place at around 4am, only to spark up a joint, fix up some valium, break out the Choke-Cherry, and turn on some Frank Sinatra and cruise on through the a.m.
so anway, that's what that song reminded me of. and even though it was one of the least eventful nights of my college days, that's the night that i was reminded of. funny how music can spark memories like that.......

Earthquakes are 'No Bueno' in High-rises

i've been in earthquakes before........but never while in a high-rise.
i work in a tower in Burbank, for 'The House of Mouse', and there was a "5.3"Magnitude Earthquake today, like, just a few minutes ago. feels like you're gonna plummet.
and that would suck.
well, back to work.

Sanctuary

i decided about two weeks ago that i would start a garden in my back yard. well, it's not really much of a back yard, rather than a back "area", or patio or something. see the place i live in is up in the hills, so the front of the house faces downhill, while the back is actually on the hill, if that makes sense, so there's really no room for a yard (at least, unless you like your yard vertical). so anyway, i decided that i can plant a bunch of stuff in containers, like pots and stuff. my boyfriend and i recently went to San Francisco, Monterey, Carmel, Los Olivos, and Santa Barbara, and we did the whole wine-tasting/"Sideways" thing, and on top of coming back home with a crap-load of wine (really good wine too), i brought some wine barrels back with me too. they're huge and they're cut in half, so i thought that they would be really cool to plant stuff in. so my friend Russell, and Ari, and i all went out to plan for my project, and hunt for plants. we ended up going to Borders at Hollywood & Vine, which is my absolute LEAST favorite Borders in the whole world, and looking at all their books on gardening and plant life, and i actually learned quite a bit. then we spent about 20 minutes looking at all the different types of pot that's grown around the world in this big picture book. Ari was mesmerized. after all, i ended up buying a really cool and informative book on container gardening, which i think will probably help a lot. then we finally headed over to Home Depot, which is a crazy circus-zoo at that end of Sunset. since Russell knows almost everything there is to know about plants and flowers, he helped me decide which plants to add to my garden. i'm very excited.
although, i don't think I'm gonna be able to plant Datura, and i really really wanted to.......just cuz it would be cool to have.

The One Where I Get Tortured

this dream was so freakin' strange..........

i was married to some strange man.........he was good-looking, tall, darkness seemed to kind of collect around him, but he was really strange. he was involved in some sort of strange cult.........they worshipped nameless, old gods, from before humans existed, before earth........these things, the beings they worshipped were hideous beyond comprehension, to look at them meant madness, speaking their names was not something one did in the little New England town where we lived.........and so he was part of this cult, and they studied about how to conjure up these abominations from their sleep to come back to this world.........and so i was afraid, i was afraid of what they might accomplish and i was afraid of him, and i felt like he was undergoing some strange transformation.......so one night when he'd left to one of their gatherings, i called my friend Lisa (my bestest friend) up and said that we needed to leave, that something terrible was going to happen, something evil was going to destroy the town, so she and I packed up her car and we left.............we drove until we came to this other small town, and we stopped at some motel for the night.........well, while we slept we were kidnapped and taken to some strange house in the middle of nowhere and there were three other people there, one girl and two other men, and then our abductor. we were all chained up and he made us play this lottery thing, where we all had to draw numbers and our kidnapper would call out three numbers, and whichever three of us had the numbers he called out were tortured while the other two watched, and he did this for days, and the last thing i remember was she and i and one other guy getting our numbers called and we were all put on this rack and our kidnapper guy got out this tray of razors and knives, and over the course of 3 hours, he very very slowly cut of 3 of the other guys fingers, then he came up to me, and i turned to Lisa and i blacked out. that was it. strange huh?

gotta lay off the soda before bed i think.....

The One where I Love Jake Gyllenhaal

okay, so i had this dream last night about Jake.

i don't usually have teenage-weird-fantasy-like-dreams, but for some reason, last night, i did.

so, in my dream, i lived in San Francisco and had this really cool apartment with a huge courtyard, and when you looked down from my balcony, you could see into the courtyard, and it was perfectly shaded with magnolia trees and there was an old stone fountain and everything. so, i wake up and head down to the farmers market at Fisherman's Wharf and i'm picking up fruit (green apples, star fruit, and strawberries to be exact), and i run into this guy (Jake, but in my dream world he's not famous, he's just Jake) and we kind of like, flirt and look at eachother and stupid things like that, and eventually we get to talking and having coffee by the water. so then, after a couple days, we call eachother and we hang out and go see movies and stuff like that. and it ends up being a really cool friendship that i really really enjoy. and then one night, while we're watching Vertigo, he leans over and kisses me, and it turns into this really sweet, long kiss. So then after that night (no, we don't have sex or anything more than the kiss), he doesn't call me for like 2 days, and i start to think that the whole thing freaked him out. then about a week later, we start talking again and we just kind of ignore the "kiss situation" and hang out like normal. so we go out for chinese and we end up back at my place again, and this time he tells me, "I really really like you, but I've never done this before." and so i say, "you haven't done what?"

and he says, "I haven't ever liked another guy before." then he kind of just stands there and stares at me. so then we end up kissing and...................well, you know, other stuff.

But, so all of this is cool, except we end up dating and it's awesome, and then we end up getting married, only once we start the ceremony, it's not my Jake anymore, it's Katie Holmes!

so weird.....